Pasyente ..... magkano ang facelift?
Doktora ... complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente .... mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para
magmukha akong bata?
Doktora .... heto tsupon, P20 lang!!
PROBLEMA NGA
Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng
umaga dumudumi ako...
Doktor ... so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.
CUSTOMER
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Lady sitting next asked, 'are they your babies?'
Man: 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!'
PINTURA
Erap ... Honey, nagpintura ako ng banyo.
Loi .... Bakit dalawa ang suot mong jacket, ang init, init !!!
Erap .... Sabi kasi sa label, for best results put on 2 coats.
MANNY PAKYAW
Reporter ... Manny, anong bill ang gagawin mo kapag congressman ka na?
Manny ... Ano'ng bill? yung tomotonog pagkatapos ng
bawa't round sa bukseng?
HIWALAYAN
Wife ... maghiwalay na tayo!
Man .... ok! akin ang bahay!
Wife ... Akin ang farm!
Man ... Akin ang kotse!
Wife .... Wag mo isama driver, matagal ng akin yan.
Man ... Magkakamatayan tayo! Akin siya!
HOLDAP
Lola ... Amang, wala akong pera!
Holdaper ... Alam ko kung asan ang pera mo...[sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni Lola]
Lola .... Ituloy mo iho, may dollars pa sa ibaba!!
Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: "300 pesos for 5 words."
She said: "Pwede ba 2 words lang? 'Tanoy dead' "
Ad taker: "No mam. 5 words is the minimum."
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: "Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo,
"TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE "
Boy: 'Nay, anong ulam natin?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!
Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo 'ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa Math?
Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba?
Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.
KANO SPEAKING TAGALOG
Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?
Tindero: One way.
Kano : Meg-kanow?
Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
Kano : Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!
Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!
Loi: S'an ang balitang yan?
Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; "British tourist lost 2000 pounds.."
MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator): Name?
Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinski Papakovitz.
MMDA: Ahhh okay...(sabay tago ticket)...Next time be careful, ok?
BF: Sunduin kita mamaya, ha? Bubusina na lang ako
pag nasa harap na 'ko ng bahay n'yo.
GF: Sige. Anong sasakyan ang dala mo?
BF: Wala. Busina lang...
(Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard...)
Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind, highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer
instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?
Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko na lang ang mag-apply?
Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.
But....when HE cancels a date...... he HAS TWO.
A CHINESE TO A CHINESE SHOULD NEVER COMMUNICATE IN A
FOREIGN LANGUAGE....
Chinese speaking to a Chinese telephone operator:
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that is not an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I am Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name.
Start your 2009 with Power and Focus.
Ignacio D. Posas, Jr. email address: iposas2002@yahoo.com
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